Category Archives: Fat Kid Moment
Bernie wanting to be fed, inner 400 pound men can be annoying.
Ok… this business of being a newlywed is no joke. Especially at the busiest time of the year. I love being occupied. Poor Handsome is not very used to the comings and goings of an active gal like me. You’d think he would be, giving that we dated for two years before we were engaged, alas, he’s not. The presence of THE NEWLYWEDS is very often requested, and I LOVE it. Poor Handsome. We have to schedule do-nothing-days for him to readjust to life. I’m an attention
whore seeker and he’s shy. I’m surprised he didn’t go catatonic with all the people at the wedding. Of course we had a wonderful honeymoon to look forward to… tales of which I’m finally going to share with you.
We went to the island country of St. Lucia for our honeymoon and it was fantastic, just what a newlywed couple needs after the work and stress of a gigantic wedding. We flew out the morning after we got hitched… are we crazy? Yes. His kind but always early parents brought us to the SHV airport and hour and a half before our six am flight… Ok, so this would mean we would be late at airports such as DFW, LAX, DEN, etc… at good ol’ SHV? Shreveport Regional Airport? We were approximately an hour early for check in. Shreveport’s airport is cute, functional, but verrrrry small and at six am? Nearly inactive. We were asleep on our feet, it’s a miracle we made it through all the check points and to our hotel in one piece.
Though I knew I probably looked like a ran-over dog, there were obviously other couples who looked much worse for the wear at our connecting flight from ATL. One girl still had her hair in an updo!!! Seriously? Other girls also had obvious just- got married and didn’t bother to shower- hair and make up…. My favorite was this one girl who still had feathers attached to an ENTIRE HEADPIECE attached to her HEAD. Hey, she’s never going to see these people ever again, including this amused observer, so I guess get your money’s worth girl! GET it!
Everyone who had JUST gotten married looked positively exhausted. Our Wedding weekend was the weekend of 11-11-11. I have no idea why such couples were obsessed with a bunch of ones- perhaps their favorite number?- but that meant our flight was jam-packed with young couples from all over the US. I can only imagine the running joke with the stewardesses. ” Betty! Betty! I have a guy with countable hickies!!!” “Oh Diane, I’ve got full wedding hair on row 6!” “I’ve you two beat. Wedding dress with train on row 46.”
I can. Only. Imagine.
How many times do you think they’ve had to stop a couple from “using the airplane bathroom” together? Thankfully I didn’t hear any debacles of this nature during our flight. However, I WAS in a MILD coma in my seat, so Lord only knows what could have been happening.
When we arrived, we all staggered into the St. Lucia customs line. It was a loooong line. Handsome and I were nearly cross-eyed with exhaustion. We got checked in with the Sandals Resort buses and they drove us an uncomfortable 20 miles- one and a half hours across the island to the resort. I hadn’t realized our ride would be so long. 20 miles normally means 30 minutes or less to my flatlander brain. Bah. St. Lucia snorts derisively at my naivete. Mountains were everywhere. St. Lucia is a volcanic island, it’s natural beaches are more of the black rocks variety. Once we got there, the concierge service we had signed up for, whisked us away for an immediate check in- to the tunes of steel drums, clean moist towels, and a quick serving of Rum Punch. We got into our room and were delighted by the flowers decorating the room and champagne and special services menu offered to us. Our bags arrived and we ordered the first of many room service meals. We both passed out at around seven pm St. Lucian time- only five PM at home!
We loved the beautiful island. We went on a canopy tour of the rainforest, went snorkeling, kayaking, sailing on a catamaran, and we went on a drive- in Volcano tour. The volcano tour was more like a tour of the island with a short visit to a stinky sulfuric pipe, similar to Yosemite. The Island tour was well worth the trip. We saw THE ENTIRE ISLAND on our honeymoon. All of the water sports were on-the-property of the Resort. We even went on a walking tour of Fort Rodney through the concierge service. They promised us a surprise at the end of the tour. While we were extremely curious as to what the surprise would be, we only thought it would be a small rum-punch or chocolate party- similar to what we had done at other evening events. NOT SO.
The whole time we were on the honeymoon, every time we left the resort we would pass the original Black Pearl from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies 1&2. Naturally, Handsome and I would try to take a picture of the ship as we zoomed past.
The walking tour of Fort Rodney was fascinating to us- we are both a little bit dorky and love a bit of history. The guide showed us the excellent view of Martinique, the French island, which he said, that on a clear day, one could see the very cars driving on the island. This meant that the top of the fort where we had climbed was excellent for the occupying British to spy on the Frenchies. After our climb we were led to a boat where they had us sit and, yes, enjoy a bit of Rum punch. Whoo hoo!
We also had a light snack on the boat and the Captain took us out on the water. Soon, we pulled up to the big surprise. They pulled up to the harbor of the BLACK PEARL. Handsome and my cameras had both died, after all our touring of the fort and taking dramatic cliff pictures, we had two empty batteries. Not only did we have no pictures of the BP, but the Captain stopped the boat on the water for us to watch the sunset… SAD HONEYMOONERS. (We were a bit lucky that on the way home a couple who went with us on the tour spoke with us and we told them of our sad predicament, the kind lady sent us two copies of the Pirate Ship. We were so happy to receive their card.)
Overall, the island was magnificent, the food was fantastic at the resort, and the people were so very kind. Theirs is a rich, interesting heritage and they embrace it cheerfully and with a sense of humor. They are very proud of their booming tourist trade and banana plantations. We bought some banana barbecue sauce and I have no idea when we’ll ever use it, but even Handsome liked it.
We were sad to leave the island, but we were very happy to be back in the United States. We only had about eight loads of laundry and several hours of sleep to catch up on. Changing my name was exasperation itself, but we all lived happily ever after.
If only I could get used to filling out forms with my MARRIED name!
I think I’m doomed to having horrible running experiences with Mr. Handsome. That’s right folks, I went running again. This time I was wearing heels. And it was on concrete. Was there a mugger, you ask? Was there a gun and/or knives involved? Of course not. There was a bee. A big, fat bumble bee that at first seemed to be swarming Handsome. When he sped up a little, the BEE stuck with ME! He kept dancing around me, never touching me, but it seemed to be sort of flirting with the idea of landing on me. I squeaked, ran a little bit in my silver stilletos, when it continued to swarm, I ducked and yelled “I am NOT a FLOWER!!!!” I then dashed into the church, not so closely followed by Handsome who didn’t have to run in the 100 degree heat.
It’s not like there wasn’t people around. Several people in the parish of Mary, Queen of Peace now think I’m raving mad. Unless they already know me, in which case they know it’s just another day in paradise. “Up! There’s our former youth minister! What’s she doing? Oh, well. Looks crazy as usual.” This is what I get I guess for bathing with Crabtree and Evelyn‘s soap. When they say it’s from all natural ingredients, they are NOT kidding. And with natural beeswax too! I must have smelled like a English countryside Bee-brothel. And that dude was all about him some Steph. It also didn’t help that I was wearing a brightly colored shirt. Yeah…
How was I to know that insects wouldn’t be sensible and trying to hibernate in the air conditioning?
Princesses don’t do bugs. Anywho…
I’ve been working on my scrapbooks with the Scrapbook Queen. I’m almost finished with the current book and only have one and a half pages left. On to the next event! Which is my Engagement Party and starting the shower guest book pages. I have a lot to do with those. We saved so much from the awesome family gathering! It was a glorious celebration. I remember most of it. Handsome remembers all of it. I gotta say, that party was phenomenal! I’m still recovering from it (just kidding- sort of)! See what with all the sugar I consumed, (my body enjoyed that quite a bit, by the way) I/Bernie really wanted to keep on consuming the sugar!!!!
Bernie was happy for a month, at least.
Back to scrapbooking.
In my house, Scrapbooking is essential. We record our events and activities with flourishes and flair. We use the paper and pens that help preserve these memories. The pens are archival tools equivalent to those used by congress. My mother has been a scrapbooking consultant for nearly fifteen years. I was raised making my own books. I went through some phases. I still do. In my middle school years I went through what I call “the sticker phase”. And In high school I started to evolve into what I do now. I am now in the “paper fetish phase”. I love Paper. I love making little things that correlate with my page- out of paper. It’s fun and cute! Shoot, I’m not picky about sticking to my own books. Need a Roman helmet? A margarita for the Bachelorette Party Pages? I’ll do them. Especially if I’m in an idea lull for my own current page project.
I can’t wait until I have several of these books done and on my shelves! These books are fantastic looking. The end results are very rewarding. They are not merely a chore equivalent to housework. They are chronicles of our lives that future generations can gaze upon and marvel. You had better bet that when Handsome and I go with the family on the Croooze, the scrapbook for that event will be made. It will be a source of pride so show my children and grandchildren. “That’s right kids,” I’ll say, “Your gramps and I went to Europe and saw naked beaches… We went to the Vatican, we saw some crazy gypsy people mug tourists…”
Those whipper-snappers may be shocked, they may be amazed. Who knows? I know that they will have the picture books to prove that we did go on these lovely adventures. They’ll have my handwriting telling them the stories in the pictures, naming the people I connect with, the places I’ve seen. They’ll see my handwriting and when I’m gone, their throats will fill with unshed tears. I know this. because I’ve seen my own grandmother’s handwriting in a scrapbook. She’s been with the Lord for thirteen years this November. When I see her handwriting, (that I formerly thought was horrible) I remember making the scrapbooks with her. I remember her telling me stories of the evil cow that chased onto a dung heap and her brother had to rescue her. I remember laughing and playing skip bo(We were laughing the most when we were loosing).
I wonder what Maw Maw thinks of Handsome. I miss her a lot sometimes.
I sure did give her and Paw Paw a laugh yesterday. That Bee must have had the spirit of the evil cow, Maybelle.
Your Pretty Thoughtful
I’m trying… Really I am…
It’s just that I enjoy my food. I love food. I love different kinds and different cultures’. This is another trait that is to my mother’s credit. She trained me to try things and I am not a picky person because of it, my sisters and I continually introduce all sorts of things to our parents. We introduced them to Vietnamese (Dahn’s Garden in Shreveport rocks our world), Sushi (that didn’t take, but they like the hibachi), and Thai (Chow Tyme in North Bossier has left us. This makes my heart sob. Will I ever get papaya salad again?) We love trying and eating and when we go to a new place, it’s always an intriguing adventure. We plan our family vacations around where we want to eat. This is why Giordano’s Pizza’s number in Kissimmee, FL is still in my phone, as well as Margaritaville- Universal Studios. Our family makes an annual pilgrimage to Orlando, Florida. This is due to my parents being swindled into buying a timeshare. Folks, time shares have to be maintained… DON’T do IT!!!!! It’s like a car- that you sink money into and never get rid of. You have good times with it, but sometimes it tends to be a burden. Back to Food. Such a hardship.
I love the art and the colors of it. Food in my life is for celebration, for comfort, for sharing. That’s how I was raised. Growing up, we ate at the dinner table as often as we could. We laughed, cried, discussed, and everything around that dinner table. We learned with each other, we did homework, we worked on life’s struggles, all around the table.
Learning to control portions is something we have to strive for. Living in Louisiana where the food is steeped in our lives every day, well, it’s hard to control my inner Hobbit. I would like a second breakfast. I would enjoy eating all day, all the time. But it’s not healthy and it’s even a sin. Gluttony. Lord have mercy on our country. Now I don’t agree with the extremists that would like to remove children from homes that have made obesity a fact of life, that’s a bit harsh. I do think that there should be a special training and awareness interventions, of children, of parents. There are so many eating disorders in this country, it saddens me.
According to a handbook I read once, I HAVE AN EATING disorder. 😡 !!!!!! Because I track what I eat. Hmmmm. I don’t think The-Powers-That-Be-That-Made-This- Up really understand. See, if I don’t track what I eat, I WILL over-eat. I will eat myself into a blind stupor. (The Baby and Rachody notice that this happens when I get “crazy eyes”. I have yet to see this and therefore have no proof that this phenomenon actually happens.) Which should only be done on rare occasions like Thanksgiving, and Birthday meals. Everyday? Certainly not. So I subscribe to Weight Watchers. They teach people how to live correctly. There are moments of indulgence, and there are exercise earning options. I have the freedom to choose WHAT I want, but I have to track it. There are rules and exceptions to all people of all sizes and ages. There are exceptions to those with child, those who are nursing, those who have health conditions. It is a WONDERFUL system. And it Works. In 2002 my family joined and a year later, we had lost a total of 160 pounds!!!! Five people lost a person! And we can do it again.
****side not: I am not affiliated with Weight Watchers, I merely enjoy and have merited from this system/lifestyle change****
We ARE going to do it again. We are going to lose weight and be healthy.
I spend a whole lot of time with Mr. Handsome. Where does he fit in this story? Well he helps me by encouraging exercise and portion control. He naturally portion controls. He was raised to eat when hungry and the right amount. He eats to live. And he does it well. He doesn’t understand this fat-kid part of me and I don’t understand how he can do it. I would love to be like Handsome and stop eating cookies, to select just the right amount of cheeto puffs and close the bag… but this, sadly, is beyond me.
Bernie (my inner 400 pound man) the Belly says “YOU MENTION COOKIES MISS OBSESSIVENESS. SUBWAY LADY OFFERED COOKIES AND YOU REFUSED BERNIE HIS COOKIES OF HAPPINESS. THERE WAS MENTION OF CUPCAKES LATER. AND HOMEMADE ECLAIRS. BERNIE HAD BETTER GET HIS SHARE.” So my belly rhymes. What of it?
Unfortunately my Bernie complains when he is undergoing shrinkage to a normal belly size. It’s quite loud and unsettling. Fruit does not tame this beast. (Fruit, with it’s juicy sweetenss and natural-ness is zero points now and is a great big help on this new WW plan.) So I get to enjoy the beginnings of a diet with a cantankerous cavern of a stomach. Next week will be so much better!(Hopefully)
Good thing I have exercise on my side. I have gotten into the habit of exercising. I nearly enjoy it, I least enjoy the effects of exercise. I feel better. My mood changes for the better and I feel like I’m in working condition. I love ZUMBA!!!! My Zumba Chick rocks my socks off! You know, if I was wearing any, that is. It’s fun, energetic, and when you make friends and exercise with a group, it’s more fun. I am so excited that ZC is teaching another class on Thursdays soon. Yay!!! For more ZC in mah life! Love her!
I hope the cupcakes have sprinkles. What? I’m counting it!
Your pretty healthy,